Uncle George

"no more Uncle Spooky Eyes,"

my little brother said

i told him to shut up

because i was that typical

shitty big brother that you always hear about

Uncle George used to 

flip his eyelids inside-out

and roll his eyeballs backwards 

hence

Uncle Spooky Eyes 

us kids really got a kick out of it

freaked us out

but we liked it

in February of 1992

he took his own life

"no more Uncle Spooky Eyes,"

my little brother said 

"shut up!"

i yelled

suicide was a lot like his spooky eyes

it disturbed me deeply

and yet strangely fascinated me

i didn't like it 

it freaked me out

but

i 

sorta 

understood it

it was almost

poetic 

the aftermath of a suicide 

however 

is far less Shakespearean 

my gramma

whom i loved so much

was devastated 

crushed

emotionally reduced to rubble

my usually stoic grampa

crumbled into tears

all my aunts

other uncles

and mom

were burdened with wondering

if there was anything they could have

done

there was arguing

and fighting

and blaming

a fucking shit-show of feelings

Gramma blamed Grampa

Grampa blamed himself

aunts blamed other aunts

uncles blamed other uncles

what an easily upset institution 

the family unit can be

we were never a high functioning clan

but after that

it seemed like there was always a feud

and i always think back to that night

when my 6 year old brother first experienced the death of someone in his life

i've never talked to my brother about it

i don't know that he remembers

but i would certainly guess

what an easily upset institution 

what a love deprived wasteland 

what a cradle of neglect

the family unit can be 

i try not to have regrets 

as they are useless

but...

i wish i could go back to that night

"no more Uncle Spooky Eyes,"

my little brother would say

and instead of yelling at him

i would hug him

and just say

"no more Uncle Spooky Eyes."