Vomka

i usually didn't puke

oh
i would wretch every morning
i would want to puke
but nothing ever
came up

it was in between leaving Texas
and coming back to Iowa

it was in between The Uptowner
and Nessun Dorma
in Milwaukee

in the alley
between jobs
between towns
between heaven & hell

i opened Uptowner that day
two-fisting double vodka club sodas
gave the redhead behind the bar ten bucks
to play some Ottis Redding

Ottis is good music to die to

but
i didn't die
i just felt like i might

so i went outside
down the alley
and let it out

there was nothing to it
no food
no color
just a suicide's amount worth of vodka

i imagined i looked like a gargoyle fountain

the homeless guy walking by
didn't even ask me for change

too bad
too
because i would have given him some

stopped vomiting for a minute
to hand him a couple bucks
just so i could hear him say
thanks

just so i could hear someone say something nice
to me

just to not hate myself
fo one second

but
he didn't ask
so i just kept puking
and kept hating myself