No Fucking Poem!

i am not going to write a poem
tonight

even if i did
i would still be a 37 year old waiter
tomorrow

i would still be a failed musician
tomorrow

i would still be a little worried
about next month's rent
tomorrow

a poem will only fool me into thinking
i am interesting

a poem will only foster the false narrative
that there is purpose
in my suffering

so
i'm not gonna do it

i'm gonna bicycle home
the long way
listening to something really unpretentious
like Motley Crue
or Twisted Sister

no fucking Leonard Cohen
no fucking Nina Simone
no fucking Lana Del Rey

and when i get home
i'm gonna watch something dumb
like Family Guy

no fucking documentaries
or Oscar contenders

distract the brain cells i'm not killing
eat cookies
and drink 2
or 3
Diet Dr. Peppers

and if somewhere in the night
i have a good idea for a simile
i'll just step on it
like a bug

and if there's a knock at my apartment door
and i open it to find a brilliant metaphor standing there
i will grab my dullest knife from the kitchen
and cut its throat

whatever i do
i will not be creative
even a haiku

with the utmost certainty
i can make this guarantee
that for a second
or for a minute
or any amount of time
i will not write poetry
of any meter
form
or rhyme