it's important on days like this
to start with a test run
don't commit to any long travels
until you are sure you can manage
being around others without having
a full blown freakout
i start with the Mexican restaurant
across the street
they don't serve much
in the vegetarian department
so i just get a 20 oz of diet soda
sit at a table
and stare out the window
toward my apartment
i should just go back
now
but
i do need some groceries
so i twist the cap onto my soda
and make my move to the mall
i check the frozen vegetables at Target
to see if they have broccoli back in stock
they do
but before i grab a cart
i decide to saunter around the mall
maybe get myself comfortable with
the outside world
no dice
a cute woman even smiles at me
and it terrifies me so much that my eyes
tear up
the day was over before it began
it just took this long for me to realize it
maybe i'll go to the poetry reading
next month
maybe i'll interact with another person
on Saturday
maybe i'll feel okay in my own skin
tomorrow
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