Online Dating Sites, and Why Dating in General Is Difficult for Me

so I am supposed to divulge enough details about myself
for someone to make an informed decision on whether or not to date me
and certainly it is understood that you keep the demons hidden

for a while

it's the decorum of crazy
and we all are
but we don't mention that
first

we have to lead into that with a lot of charm
which I am extremely good at
picking out badass earrings
cool tops from Forever 21
siting The Notebook as a great film
I got it down

I'm not suggesting that's not the real me
because it is
but there's another part
of the real me

it's always felt kind of misleading
not letting someone know about both 
right away

me
knowing what's to come
when the high wears off

I'm not talking about fights
fights are good
fights are healthy in reasonable doses

I'm talking about the days where everything should be great
when I'm looked at with such love and excitement
someone who wants the shit out of that charming part
but I'm just burdened with malaise

she'll draw back after that
a little more each time
and each time
I'll trust her less

not because I'll blame her
I'll blame myself

just seems like a good way to avoid this scenario
find someone as batshit as me
would be leading with
"Hey Baby,
I'm kinda fucked up"

of course
since that makes sense to me
it's gotta be wrong