If You Were My Drink

i would pet you softly
feel the wet of you on my fingers

a patient vampire
sipping slow from your neck
tasting you

you would spill into my veins
until i emptied you

and on to the next

There Is Hope in a Freshly Shaven Dick

it's not that i believe i'm gonna get laid
tonight

it's been about two years
i'm about forty pounds overweight
and i only have thirty bucks in my wallet

but
it is kind of my birthday
and i am wearing my favorite dress shirt
and my favorite dress socks

i don't think it's going to happen
but i am well groomed in case it does

and right now
a little bit of hope goes a long way
for me

as long as i keep a razor in the shower
the noose stays in the closet

This Skol, No Skol

here's how i am about
football

i love Sunday games
because there are free snacks
at the bar

i root for The Pack
1st
because Wisconsin has the most bars

but
next
The Vikes for Uncle Mike

and as i emotionally invested myself
in his team tonight
i remembered
why i don't
do sports

i lose enough as it is

i texted him my sympathies
to which he replied
"it's not over"

and i responded
"i know enough about football
to want to believe you
but
enough about life
not to"

star-crossed epitaphs

love
digs graves
all around the world

but
i used to
kiss you like
i was never going to die

Sunfish

sometimes i look like
i'm flying

the most marvelous things
happen when you're afraid

but
what seems to be a wing
is only a tail

what seems to be a miracle
is only a fear

sometimes i look like i'm flying
but it's only because i have a shark
on my ass

Goddamn the Deaths I Die Every Day

i keep coming back

just when ya think
"there
is
no
way
danny
makes it!"
i do

it's not for lack of trying
i'm just bad at suicide

a heart forgets to stop beating
i wake up wounded
out of breath
afraid

the impression of Azrael's palm
against my cheek

death touches me every day
but its scythe never slices my skin

why?

i've taken too much
enough to put down horses
but i keep getting up

i keep coming back

and i am so tired of coming back

The Girl Who Cuddles with Coffins

i tell her

she might have a monster

living under her bed

she smiles

and tells me

to trim my toenails 

i try to convince her

that there is a ghost in the walls

but she insists it's my singing

vampires outside

she says i put too much garlic 

on my pasta

corpses under the floorboards 

she says i fart

too much

there seems to be no shaking 

this girl

but just wait until i tell her

i love her