Death in the Brew City

they tell me that
"Milwaukee will always be there"
and i know that it will be

what causes me worry is knowing that I won't be
that my bones can only travel so far
and so long before they become dust

my only hope is that when the heart has had enough
when the lungs are ready to take their last breath
and when the eyes are taking one last look
that they are peering over Lake Michigan
with the wings of the Calatrava at my back
spanned open to fly me to rest

Online Dating Sites, and Why Dating in General Is Difficult for Me

so I am supposed to divulge enough details about myself
for someone to make an informed decision on whether or not to date me
and certainly it is understood that you keep the demons hidden

for a while

it's the decorum of crazy
and we all are
but we don't mention that
first

we have to lead into that with a lot of charm
which I am extremely good at
picking out badass earrings
cool tops from Forever 21
siting The Notebook as a great film
I got it down

I'm not suggesting that's not the real me
because it is
but there's another part
of the real me

it's always felt kind of misleading
not letting someone know about both 
right away

me
knowing what's to come
when the high wears off

I'm not talking about fights
fights are good
fights are healthy in reasonable doses

I'm talking about the days where everything should be great
when I'm looked at with such love and excitement
someone who wants the shit out of that charming part
but I'm just burdened with malaise

she'll draw back after that
a little more each time
and each time
I'll trust her less

not because I'll blame her
I'll blame myself

just seems like a good way to avoid this scenario
find someone as batshit as me
would be leading with
"Hey Baby,
I'm kinda fucked up"

of course
since that makes sense to me
it's gotta be wrong

[you're not a poet]

you're not a poet

verses written yesterday

prove nothing today

[after nineteen years]

after nineteen years

she thinks of him as a fart

something to air out

[thoughts on the police]

thoughts on the police
not that they are the bad guys

they just work for them

[desert town of fools]

desert town of fools
born of sand and rainmakers
devoted to thirst

[i walk as a storm]

i walk as a storm

two bolts of lightning in socks

shoes laced with thunder

[in my timber heart]

in my timber heart
her kisses became axes
clearing a forest

[long begrimed with dust]

long begrimed with dust

a floor looking for a broom

love me for my scuffs

Second Shift and the Seagulls

around in a circle in the sky they would fly

above the summer rushing Milwaukee River

one at at time they would dive

fly into and out of the water

and back up to there place

in the circle

there was a perfection in it that i admired

that i envied as I kept walking the trail

always on my way to work

it just seemed like they discovered

the perfect afternoon

Poem to an Old Bandmate

Life is a series of tragedies with flutters of good.
But what is good for those who suffer is better
than what is good for those who don't.


-for Brian Salvador Curley

[avoiding cocoons]

avoiding cocoons
pride is the caterpillar
that shuns butterflies

[house of syllables]

house of syllables
bricks and beams made from meter
he lives in haiku

Tiffany

you only get so many nights like that
where the streetlights become tiny yellow moons
she picks you up at your place for the dance club
and introduces you to Joy Division on the drive there

blacklight and 80's retro music
in a hip Milwaukee neighborhood
along with a beautiful half-Asian woman
who smoked weed and listened to goth bands

what i wouldn't give for those things tonight

you were too naive to know how good you had it
too greedy to understand that fortune was at your loins
and too inexperienced to have done anything differently

too stupid to hold on to her
and too smart to ever forget her

[regret of the clock]

regret of the clock
once wanted to be a watch
even time gets lost

[so close to travels]

so close to travels

rocks along the railroad tracks

never board the train

Silence Is the Jury

Women were placed at the flames, accused of witchcraft, and the smoke of murder rose to the heavens. Man's ignorant spirit bursting up to the gods, as if they didn't already know how vicious Man could be.

As all this happened, someone stood quietly in the back, or at home.

Knowing
full well
that it was wrong,
but fire
provokes silence.

Angry and afraid, someone toiled with their conscience, and ultimately said nothing as women were burnt at the stake. Carrying that death all the way to their own.

[bills soaring like birds]

bills soaring like birds
costs of living get higher
income, falls from nest

[i search each second]

i search each second
find words under rocks and rugs
looking for poems

[dreams need their distance]

dreams need their distance
she learned from burnt fingertips
do not touch the stars

[shame of the ocean]

shame of the ocean
is the fish that crawled on land
evolved to destroy

[she loved him before]

she loved him before
when life was a game he played
and she loves him still

[the fast foot of gloom]

the fast foot of gloom
quick through labyrinths of joy
always catches up

[black shirts worn at day]

black shirts worn at day
they spoke mostly of music
bonded by the odd

Taking the Trash Out

i will hold onto the diamonds in my soul
i will keep the bits of gold in my heart
and never let go of the wealth
securely banked in  my mind

richness will always be found near
as long as i don't let the garbage pile up

wipe the counter after every meal
so that when i come to cook again
i have a nice clean surface to work with

if the knife grows dull
sharpen it

if the pan is dirty
wash it

if the trash is full
take it out

and if i need to plant and grow roses by midnight
then get the seeds in the soil

nothing happens
without action

You're Either Full of Shit, or [No Other Option Was Found]

you tell me your plan is red hot
but the question for you that i got
of this topic
it is not

what i would rather ask to you
though skeptic of your words being true
just how full of
shit are you?

now, take your time
calculate an answer
you have an image
so take no chance here

you try to fool me with each word
tell me that my concerns are absurd
but your breath still
smells like turd

A Great Date

right at that age where she is learning again
like a cynical fox taking guarded steps
in the forest

still looks for someone she doesn't believe in
but knows it is because she believes in herself

she is good company
on a night alone in the apartment
with a bottle of wine
Netflix and a pint of ice cream

a thrilling partner on bicycle treks
shopping excursions
the occasional club

so as the need for this apparition dwindles
she begins to notice
that the needs for herself
are more fully met

Chicago

coming back the first time

there was the electricity
of a beginning

the weather was nasty

mild and rainy February night

frozen into a highway of ice

the car skid out

coming over Veteran's bridge

toward the Milwaukee skyline

and i thought we were going to die

but even with Death at the nose

the air smelled good

fresh

[altar of vodka]

altar of vodka
haloed cocktail, angel blood
she prays 80 proof

EternAlmost

incredible love making
will turn wolves into pups
bears, cubs again
and icy hearts melt
to a puddle

you look in her eyes
she looks in yours
and it seems like something that will never end

but it does

the moment
the sex
the love

all of it

Anything, Everything, and a Rhythm Section

i looked to my right
hoping to see a bass player
keeping the low end tight

behind me
hoping to see someone
straightening a kit
tuning a snare drum

no one

i called out to the heavens
and even louder towards hell
begging for a couple backup singers
somebody with a horn
or perhaps a violin

no one

i thought of Paul Setser
how he had always been there
his keyboard on a piano setting
an accordion at his feet

ready to accompany me
through each verse and chorus
painting dynamics on each song
covering my mistakes

but Paul wasn't there
either

for my last show
in Austin, Tx
i took the stage
alone

played through an entire set
alone

each and every note
alone

an orphan abandoned by other orphans
stray dog howling to a room full of stray cats
one brick pining for more
dreaming of a wall

i hate playing solo

[dressed only in screams]

dressed only in screams
showered with water and death
life escapes by drain

[dreams of flight failure]

dreams of flight failure
the ground will open your eyes
land you in sorrow

[the broom disdains fate]

the broom disdains fate
sweeping destinies away
our futures of dust

[monuments of song]

monuments of song

returned to life in my hands

records from dead men

[a foot wants the ground]

a foot wants the ground

take each step with gratitude

to walk is to live

Shady

first night
of my first time
living in Austin, TX

standing outside my apartment
with the door left open so i could
still hear Skip James singing
from my stereo

sipping at my fifth
or sixth beer
for the evening
staring off
toward the light
of downtown

this is when i first met Steve
as he approached his apartment
which was next to mine

"hey
you my new neighbor?"
he asked in his thick
Michigan accent

i told him i was

"yeah
i heard ya moving in this afternoon
and i would have come out to say hi
but i was afraid you'd ask me to help
and i didn't wanna help"

i laughed and said
"no problem
you want a beer?"

we hung out quite a bit
for the six months i lived there that time
often heading downtown to rock bars
looking for women to drive us crazy
and drinks that made us sane

but we also liked The Horseshoe
closest bar to the complex
both on South Lamar at that time

it was a beer only bar
with a bring your own liquor
buy your mixer
policy

one night
when The Horseshoe was lacking
anyone of the opposite sex
we struck up a conversation
with a shady character who told us
he knew a girl

for a hundred bucks
he said
she'd let us both fuck her
he said
and she was young and pretty
he said

at the behest of poor judgement
we found ourselves in a house barren
of any semblance of respectability

mustached slime-balls
all lined around on a sectional couch
smoking crack

as we waited for the girl
they passed the pipe
in our direction

i
passed it on
Steve
didn't

now
Steve wasn't a junkie
but he'd been driving trucks for more than 10 years
and was also not above partaking in life's more questionable
activities

i
was no angel
and in that six months
i'd used more powder cocaine then
i'd ever want my gramma to know about
but
i don't
smoke crack

the gentlemen of this particular house
did not take kindly to my standards
and one of them decided it was time
for me and Steve to
go

he rescinded our invitation standing nervously
in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen
holding tightly to the handle of a big fucking butcher's knife

"well"
Steve said calmly to me
in his thick Michigan accent
"i guess we better go"

we walked outside
never turning our backs 
to the man with the knife
got into Steve's truck
and drove back to the complex
finished the beers in our fridges

after six months i wound up
leaving Austin and headed back to Milwaukee
but Steve and I stayed in touch throughout
and eight years later i returned to Austin

unfortunately
the second time around
deceit of a woman
came between us
and after all that time
our friendship
ended

but
it was fun to think of him
tonight

his thick Michigan accent
how cool he was in a seedy situation
and how he seemed to like those situations
and how maybe
i did
too

my story
is less boring because of him

In Love With You

every drum in the world
pales to the bang
the crash
the beat
of her
heart

every sky cowers
at the enormity of
her passion
her lust
need
for
you

oceans gossip with mountains
hiding feelings of inferiority
and the sun shines duller each day
against your reflection in her eyes

she is
in love with you

but you
are never going to believe that

A Morning Walk

we can wear
the morning air
like a jacket
and move deep
into those bright
illusions of the day

As She Strangles The Sky

when she wants only

to see the heavens

choke

patience lost

in all things

good

faith dead

in all gods

worth a damn

her hands reach up

clasped and shaking 

gut full of earthquakes

she wants

to see angels

die

she needs

to feel strength

in her hate

she prays for nothing

and to no one

as she strangles

the sky

Rent

though it takes a daily muster

of all you got

empties you out

and leaves you

wanting

though you break

a thousand times

and put yourself back together

a thousand and one

there are no awards for

keeping up

no banners

no trophies

no celebrations

but

maybe there should be

[elusive needle]

elusive needle

hides from him in a haystack 

like looking for home

[he burns through the keys]

he burns through the keys
in hopes to unlock himself
with freedom of song

What You Missed

while you were out
gallivanting with nightmares
sleeping with the whore of caprice
living with dead poets
dying with live drunks

while you were hunting an endless night
blowing smoke up at the stars
offering cocktails to the moon
days have passed you by

a life
eluded

and you can tell yourself
that it was not a life for you
anyway

trivial goals ignored for wild excitements
that your bones were never meant
to rest

make all the excuses you can
but you know you missed out
on something

That Would Have Been A Good Day To Die

seven years ago
almost home
coming over the bridge
from a show in The Windy City

we hit the ice
hit the wall
and Ben's bass amp
hit me in the face

the car kept sliding
bouncing off each side
toward the other

it seemed a lot
like it was going to be the end

i'd gotten laid that morning
played my first show in Chicago
ate pizza
drank tequila

i was happy
and wasn't afraid

i miss that moment

On-Again/Off-Again Relationship: In Space

Deep in The Milky Way
they will meet again.
Reflections, and shadows.

Never-ending satellites crashing
into never-ending stars.
They were meant to explode
together. 

I Write My Wings

stuck out on a ledge
with no stairs
no ladder
and no one
to catch me

i look down to the street below
it would be so easy to fall
quick
and then over

but i am afraid
i want to be alive
i want to fly

with no other option
i reach for the pen
and find a way

[uninspired, the fight]

uninspired, the fight
fists should warrant no glory
pacifists, admired

There Is Peace in Poison

a mind at war
with itself
for so long

thoughts turn into grenades
or helicopter blades
always going

a man will do
anything
to gain respite
from battle

[she knows who she's not]

she knows who she's not
when i tell her i'm awake
no girl of my dreams

The Cookie Jar

his grin covered in melted chocolate chips
his hands covered in blood
and no one to stop him

thieves are not running scared
they are running the show

and when someone dares to ask
"who is doing the stealing?"
they stand to lose more
than cookies

[a best friend to kings]

a best friend to kings
faith substitutes for justice
god will keep us poor

[talkers, two rows back]

talkers, two rows back
an awful movie on screen
their voices welcomed

Three Words

with a heart that aches to say them
let them sled over my lips
know the peace of their meaning

it's been a long time since i last said them
i miss saying them

all these years rambling
but soon i will know their comfort again

soon i will take a breath
feel safe at home
and say
"my
own
apartment"

It's Hard To Hear The Fire Go Out

when the piano notes are dancing
rhythms of candle light
it's hard to hear the fire go out

the room cools
its quiet wakes your fear
nothing but silence
and self-doubt

you reach quickly for the play button
for another song
another small flame
to keep the heart lit

Dracula vs. The Cool Kids

sometimes a vampire wants to see the sun

but people of the village keep his coffin

chained shut with garlic

they wear crosses around their necks

so that if he ever does get out

he will know not to come near

not to even try

they have decided

long ago

who and what

they deem acceptable

and are not going to change

their cool little minds

There Are No Gods on My Lips

before you raise your head and shoulders
in aplomb
you should know
that when i
refer to you
as sir
boss
master
king
that i speak those words
only as perjoratives

The Mountain of Avarice

i saw atrocity and deceit upon the mountain
blood spilling down its jagged cliffs
tragedies unbound scaling the peak

i tried to warn others
not to climb this vicious monster
that to ascend these rocks will only descend
the soul

few have listened

i began shouting at the mountain itself
raising my fist and my voice in dissent
desperate pleas for a change in structure
but the mountain
does not move

so i merely walked around
continuing on my path
knowing that when my journey ends
there will still be blood upon the mountain
but it will not mine

The Burden of Family

a leaf hoped
that the branch would be strong
but they were both born from an old tree
and those dying roots could only hold on so long
until there was no choice
but to fall

[life pours from the sky]

life pours from the sky

"we need this," say the farmers

a thirsty earth drinks

With Fool's Eyes

he looks off into the distance
as if god exists
waiting beyond the winds
with some kind of answer

he looks on dating sites
as if love exists
waiting to steal him from this solitude
and burn with him in flames of temptation

he looks in his wallet
in the fridge
and under rocks
as if there was anything that could feed his hunger

he closes his eyes
to see nothing
and realizes
that's exactly what's going to save him

[stopped by a red light]

stopped by a red light
engine sputters memories
he goes with what's gone

[the first of April]

the first of April
celebrations of deceit 
a day just for you