[gods are all victims]

gods are all victims
slain by devils of reason
skeptic's scrutiny

[roots not planted deep]


roots not planted deep
daft to what is good for them
may lean from the dirt

[self control hard learned]


self control hard learned
some lights the moth must avoid
ubiquitous flames

Death in the Brew City

they tell me that
"Milwaukee will always be there"
and i know that it will be

what causes me worry is knowing that I won't be
that my bones can only travel so far
and so long before they become dust

my only hope is that when the heart has had enough
when the lungs are ready to take their last breath
and when the eyes are taking one last look
that they are peering over Lake Michigan
with the wings of the Calatrava at my back
spanned open to fly me to rest

Online Dating Sites, and Why Dating in General Is Difficult for Me

so I am supposed to divulge enough details about myself
for someone to make an informed decision on whether or not to date me
and certainly it is understood that you keep the demons hidden

for a while

it's the decorum of crazy
and we all are
but we don't mention that
first

we have to lead into that with a lot of charm
which I am extremely good at
picking out badass earrings
cool tops from Forever 21
siting The Notebook as a great film
I got it down

I'm not suggesting that's not the real me
because it is
but there's another part
of the real me

it's always felt kind of misleading
not letting someone know about both 
right away

me
knowing what's to come
when the high wears off

I'm not talking about fights
fights are good
fights are healthy in reasonable doses

I'm talking about the days where everything should be great
when I'm looked at with such love and excitement
someone who wants the shit out of that charming part
but I'm just burdened with malaise

she'll draw back after that
a little more each time
and each time
I'll trust her less

not because I'll blame her
I'll blame myself

just seems like a good way to avoid this scenario
find someone as batshit as me
would be leading with
"Hey Baby,
I'm kinda fucked up"

of course
since that makes sense to me
it's gotta be wrong

[you're not a poet]

you're not a poet

verses written yesterday

prove nothing today

[after nineteen years]

after nineteen years

she thinks of him as a fart

something to air out

[thoughts on the police]

thoughts on the police
not that they are the bad guys

they just work for them

[desert town of fools]

desert town of fools
born of sand and rainmakers
devoted to thirst

[i walk as a storm]

i walk as a storm

two bolts of lightning in socks

shoes laced with thunder

[in my timber heart]

in my timber heart
her kisses became axes
clearing a forest

[long begrimed with dust]

long begrimed with dust

a floor looking for a broom

love me for my scuffs

Second Shift and the Seagulls

around in a circle in the sky they would fly

above the summer rushing Milwaukee River

one at at time they would dive

fly into and out of the water

and back up to there place

in the circle

there was a perfection in it that i admired

that i envied as I kept walking the trail

always on my way to work

it just seemed like they discovered

the perfect afternoon

Poem to an Old Bandmate

Life is a series of tragedies with flutters of good.
But what is good for those who suffer is better
than what is good for those who don't.


-for Brian Salvador Curley

[avoiding cocoons]

avoiding cocoons
pride is the caterpillar
that shuns butterflies

[house of syllables]

house of syllables
bricks and beams made from meter
he lives in haiku

Tiffany

you only get so many nights like that
where the streetlights become tiny yellow moons
she picks you up at your place for the dance club
and introduces you to Joy Division on the drive there

blacklight and 80's retro music
in a hip Milwaukee neighborhood
along with a beautiful half-Asian woman
who smoked weed and listened to goth bands

what i wouldn't give for those things tonight

you were too naive to know how good you had it
too greedy to understand that fortune was at your loins
and too inexperienced to have done anything differently

too stupid to hold on to her
and too smart to ever forget her

[regret of the clock]

regret of the clock
once wanted to be a watch
even time gets lost

[so close to travels]

so close to travels

rocks along the railroad tracks

never board the train

Silence Is the Jury

Women were placed at the flames, accused of witchcraft, and the smoke of murder rose to the heavens. Man's ignorant spirit bursting up to the gods, as if they didn't already know how vicious Man could be.

As all this happened, someone stood quietly in the back, or at home.

Knowing
full well
that it was wrong,
but fire
provokes silence.

Angry and afraid, someone toiled with their conscience, and ultimately said nothing as women were burnt at the stake. Carrying that death all the way to their own.

[bills soaring like birds]

bills soaring like birds
costs of living get higher
income, falls from nest

[i search each second]

i search each second
find words under rocks and rugs
looking for poems

[dreams need their distance]

dreams need their distance
she learned from burnt fingertips
do not touch the stars

[shame of the ocean]

shame of the ocean
is the fish that crawled on land
evolved to destroy

[she loved him before]

she loved him before
when life was a game he played
and she loves him still

[the fast foot of gloom]

the fast foot of gloom
quick through labyrinths of joy
always catches up

[black shirts worn at day]

black shirts worn at day
they spoke mostly of music
bonded by the odd

Taking the Trash Out

i will hold onto the diamonds in my soul
i will keep the bits of gold in my heart
and never let go of the wealth
securely banked in  my mind

richness will always be found near
as long as i don't let the garbage pile up

wipe the counter after every meal
so that when i come to cook again
i have a nice clean surface to work with

if the knife grows dull
sharpen it

if the pan is dirty
wash it

if the trash is full
take it out

and if i need to plant and grow roses by midnight
then get the seeds in the soil

nothing happens
without action

You're Either Full of Shit, or [No Other Option Was Found]

you tell me your plan is red hot
but the question for you that i got
of this topic
it is not

what i would rather ask to you
though skeptic of your words being true
just how full of
shit are you?

now, take your time
calculate an answer
you have an image
so take no chance here

you try to fool me with each word
tell me that my concerns are absurd
but your breath still
smells like turd

A Great Date

right at that age where she is learning again
like a cynical fox taking guarded steps
in the forest

still looks for someone she doesn't believe in
but knows it is because she believes in herself

she is good company
on a night alone in the apartment
with a bottle of wine
Netflix and a pint of ice cream

a thrilling partner on bicycle treks
shopping excursions
the occasional club

so as the need for this apparition dwindles
she begins to notice
that the needs for herself
are more fully met

Chicago

coming back the first time

there was the electricity
of a beginning

the weather was nasty

mild and rainy February night

frozen into a highway of ice

the car skid out

coming over Veteran's bridge

toward the Milwaukee skyline

and i thought we were going to die

but even with Death at the nose

the air smelled good

fresh

[altar of vodka]

altar of vodka
haloed cocktail, angel blood
she prays 80 proof

EternAlmost

incredible love making
will turn wolves into pups
bears, cubs again
and icy hearts melt
to a puddle

you look in her eyes
she looks in yours
and it seems like something that will never end

but it does

the moment
the sex
the love

all of it

Anything, Everything, and a Rhythm Section

i looked to my right
hoping to see a bass player
keeping the low end tight

behind me
hoping to see someone
straightening a kit
tuning a snare drum

no one

i called out to the heavens
and even louder towards hell
begging for a couple backup singers
somebody with a horn
or perhaps a violin

no one

i thought of Paul Setser
how he had always been there
his keyboard on a piano setting
an accordion at his feet

ready to accompany me
through each verse and chorus
painting dynamics on each song
covering my mistakes

but Paul wasn't there
either

for my last show
in Austin, Tx
i took the stage
alone

played through an entire set
alone

each and every note
alone

an orphan abandoned by other orphans
stray dog howling to a room full of stray cats
one brick pining for more
dreaming of a wall

i hate playing solo

[dressed only in screams]

dressed only in screams
showered with water and death
life escapes by drain

[dreams of flight failure]

dreams of flight failure
the ground will open your eyes
land you in sorrow

[the broom disdains fate]

the broom disdains fate
sweeping destinies away
our futures of dust

[monuments of song]

monuments of song

returned to life in my hands

records from dead men

[a foot wants the ground]

a foot wants the ground

take each step with gratitude

to walk is to live

Shady

first night
of my first time
living in Austin, TX

standing outside my apartment
with the door left open so i could
still hear Skip James singing
from my stereo

sipping at my fifth
or sixth beer
for the evening
staring off
toward the light
of downtown

this is when i first met Steve
as he approached his apartment
which was next to mine

"hey
you my new neighbor?"
he asked in his thick
Michigan accent

i told him i was

"yeah
i heard ya moving in this afternoon
and i would have come out to say hi
but i was afraid you'd ask me to help
and i didn't wanna help"

i laughed and said
"no problem
you want a beer?"

we hung out quite a bit
for the six months i lived there that time
often heading downtown to rock bars
looking for women to drive us crazy
and drinks that made us sane

but we also liked The Horseshoe
closest bar to the complex
both on South Lamar at that time

it was a beer only bar
with a bring your own liquor
buy your mixer
policy

one night
when The Horseshoe was lacking
anyone of the opposite sex
we struck up a conversation
with a shady character who told us
he knew a girl

for a hundred bucks
he said
she'd let us both fuck her
he said
and she was young and pretty
he said

at the behest of poor judgement
we found ourselves in a house barren
of any semblance of respectability

mustached slime-balls
all lined around on a sectional couch
smoking crack

as we waited for the girl
they passed the pipe
in our direction

i
passed it on
Steve
didn't

now
Steve wasn't a junkie
but he'd been driving trucks for more than 10 years
and was also not above partaking in life's more questionable
activities

i
was no angel
and in that six months
i'd used more powder cocaine then
i'd ever want my gramma to know about
but
i don't
smoke crack

the gentlemen of this particular house
did not take kindly to my standards
and one of them decided it was time
for me and Steve to
go

he rescinded our invitation standing nervously
in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen
holding tightly to the handle of a big fucking butcher's knife

"well"
Steve said calmly to me
in his thick Michigan accent
"i guess we better go"

we walked outside
never turning our backs 
to the man with the knife
got into Steve's truck
and drove back to the complex
finished the beers in our fridges

after six months i wound up
leaving Austin and headed back to Milwaukee
but Steve and I stayed in touch throughout
and eight years later i returned to Austin

unfortunately
the second time around
deceit of a woman
came between us
and after all that time
our friendship
ended

but
it was fun to think of him
tonight

his thick Michigan accent
how cool he was in a seedy situation
and how he seemed to like those situations
and how maybe
i did
too

my story
is less boring because of him

In Love With You

every drum in the world
pales to the bang
the crash
the beat
of her
heart

every sky cowers
at the enormity of
her passion
her lust
need
for
you

oceans gossip with mountains
hiding feelings of inferiority
and the sun shines duller each day
against your reflection in her eyes

she is
in love with you

but you
are never going to believe that

A Morning Walk

we can wear
the morning air
like a jacket
and move deep
into those bright
illusions of the day

As She Strangles The Sky

when she wants only

to see the heavens

choke

patience lost

in all things

good

faith dead

in all gods

worth a damn

her hands reach up

clasped and shaking 

gut full of earthquakes

she wants

to see angels

die

she needs

to feel strength

in her hate

she prays for nothing

and to no one

as she strangles

the sky

Rent

though it takes a daily muster

of all you got

empties you out

and leaves you

wanting

though you break

a thousand times

and put yourself back together

a thousand and one

there are no awards for

keeping up

no banners

no trophies

no celebrations

but

maybe there should be

[elusive needle]

elusive needle

hides from him in a haystack 

like looking for home

[he burns through the keys]

he burns through the keys
in hopes to unlock himself
with freedom of song

What You Missed

while you were out
gallivanting with nightmares
sleeping with the whore of caprice
living with dead poets
dying with live drunks

while you were hunting an endless night
blowing smoke up at the stars
offering cocktails to the moon
days have passed you by

a life
eluded

and you can tell yourself
that it was not a life for you
anyway

trivial goals ignored for wild excitements
that your bones were never meant
to rest

make all the excuses you can
but you know you missed out
on something

That Would Have Been A Good Day To Die

seven years ago
almost home
coming over the bridge
from a show in The Windy City

we hit the ice
hit the wall
and Ben's bass amp
hit me in the face

the car kept sliding
bouncing off each side
toward the other

it seemed a lot
like it was going to be the end

i'd gotten laid that morning
played my first show in Chicago
ate pizza
drank tequila

i was happy
and wasn't afraid

i miss that moment

On-Again/Off-Again Relationship: In Space

Deep in The Milky Way
they will meet again.
Reflections, and shadows.

Never-ending satellites crashing
into never-ending stars.
They were meant to explode
together. 

I Write My Wings

stuck out on a ledge
with no stairs
no ladder
and no one
to catch me

i look down to the street below
it would be so easy to fall
quick
and then over

but i am afraid
i want to be alive
i want to fly

with no other option
i reach for the pen
and find a way

[uninspired, the fight]

uninspired, the fight
fists should warrant no glory
pacifists, admired

There Is Peace in Poison

a mind at war
with itself
for so long

thoughts turn into grenades
or helicopter blades
always going

a man will do
anything
to gain respite
from battle

[she knows who she's not]

she knows who she's not
when i tell her i'm awake
no girl of my dreams

The Cookie Jar

his grin covered in melted chocolate chips
his hands covered in blood
and no one to stop him

thieves are not running scared
they are running the show

and when someone dares to ask
"who is doing the stealing?"
they stand to lose more
than cookies

[a best friend to kings]

a best friend to kings
faith substitutes for justice
god will keep us poor

[talkers, two rows back]

talkers, two rows back
an awful movie on screen
their voices welcomed

Three Words

with a heart that aches to say them
let them sled over my lips
know the peace of their meaning

it's been a long time since i last said them
i miss saying them

all these years rambling
but soon i will know their comfort again

soon i will take a breath
feel safe at home
and say
"my
own
apartment"

It's Hard To Hear The Fire Go Out

when the piano notes are dancing
rhythms of candle light
it's hard to hear the fire go out

the room cools
its quiet wakes your fear
nothing but silence
and self-doubt

you reach quickly for the play button
for another song
another small flame
to keep the heart lit

Dracula vs. The Cool Kids

sometimes a vampire wants to see the sun

but people of the village keep his coffin

chained shut with garlic

they wear crosses around their necks

so that if he ever does get out

he will know not to come near

not to even try

they have decided

long ago

who and what

they deem acceptable

and are not going to change

their cool little minds

There Are No Gods on My Lips

before you raise your head and shoulders
in aplomb
you should know
that when i
refer to you
as sir
boss
master
king
that i speak those words
only as perjoratives

The Mountain of Avarice

i saw atrocity and deceit upon the mountain
blood spilling down its jagged cliffs
tragedies unbound scaling the peak

i tried to warn others
not to climb this vicious monster
that to ascend these rocks will only descend
the soul

few have listened

i began shouting at the mountain itself
raising my fist and my voice in dissent
desperate pleas for a change in structure
but the mountain
does not move

so i merely walked around
continuing on my path
knowing that when my journey ends
there will still be blood upon the mountain
but it will not mine

The Burden of Family

a leaf hoped
that the branch would be strong
but they were both born from an old tree
and those dying roots could only hold on so long
until there was no choice
but to fall

[life pours from the sky]

life pours from the sky

"we need this," say the farmers

a thirsty earth drinks

With Fool's Eyes

he looks off into the distance
as if god exists
waiting beyond the winds
with some kind of answer

he looks on dating sites
as if love exists
waiting to steal him from this solitude
and burn with him in flames of temptation

he looks in his wallet
in the fridge
and under rocks
as if there was anything that could feed his hunger

he closes his eyes
to see nothing
and realizes
that's exactly what's going to save him

[stopped by a red light]

stopped by a red light
engine sputters memories
he goes with what's gone

[the first of April]

the first of April
celebrations of deceit 
a day just for you

[he lights one last flame]

he lights one last flame
home is where the burning is
bed of devil's rest

[tire takes the pirate]

tire takes the pirate
seeking lost treasures of sleep
sails into goodnight

Born Into Resentment

there is a man i have never met
too often on my thoughts

a woman
for whose thoughts i have had to contend
against other men
alcohol
crystal meth
or herself

for these two strangers
i have always raised anger
just as i raised myself

A Not-So Familiar Face

his wife came in
to the video store i work at
today

i knew who she was
by the last name on her Oregon i.d.

i wondered if she knew who i was
if i looked familiar
if i looked like him

i googled her
when i got home
and found her facebook page

pictures of her and him
on exotic beaches
comfortable
healthy
smiling

she couldn't have recognized me

if i ever did look like him
i don't anymore

Exorcism 

when she doesn't love you

the guts are pulled out from inside

life spills from the bones

and your heart forgets to beat

you become a ghost

trapped to the lips of her rejection

and somehow

only haunting yourself

this is when it is most necessary

to evict that part of your soul

possessed with codependency

and love what she

couldn't

[loading the chamber]

loading the chamber
to kill that which he fears most
one round will suffice

This Sucks

sobering up is a lot
like waking up

you don't really remember your dreams
but you know they were more exciting
than this

and even if the bed's a mess
a part of you ferociously wants
to go back

[Sue lurks near my street]

Sue lurks near my street
I have thoughts of kissing her
but fear to commit

A Letter To My Deathbed

if you alone

hold me as i battle for last breaths

if you alone

bear the burden of the body left behind

if there is no one else in the room

please don't take it personally
should i thrash and curse
in those moments
before eternity captivates me

it will not have been your fault
that i lived in fear of love

Loss and Gains

i will tell the Economist

the same thing I told my math teachers

"i get the numbers, but

i'm concerned about something more important"

so i never argue the dollars and cents of it all

because it's just not about dollars and cents

and there's is no doubt in my heart

that we are losing something

pretty fuckin' valuable

Sommelier

he keeps it bottled
for days like these

vintage destinies rush toward the glass
breaths of dead fruits inhale deeply
and he drowns himself in their requiems

so many nights he has pulled the cork
let apparitions dance over his tongue
swim through his blood

his nose
well accustomed to hints of earth
always fools the palate into believing
he wants this
he needs this
he is this

Just Because It's Raining

it's okay if you want to stay inside
listen to a Bon Iver song on repeat
eat too much ice cream
and think about all the girls
that got away

if feeling sorry for yourself
is what you need today
then by all means

revel in your sorrows as if they were wins
bask in the warm comforts of your dejection
this weather certainly is perfect
for that

but know
that this overcast will pass
and with Spring on the way
the trees
the grass
the flowers
are going to need an admirer

it is important you realize
that just because it's raining
does not mean that the sun isn't
still out there

[drink from the dream cup]

drink from the dream cup
welcome those ghosts of morning
don't fade out, sleep in

[if ever he drowns]

if ever he drowns
a swimmer will miss water
life regrets no death

Some Nights the Guts Are Just Gone

you drag a soul around in a body
and some nights
it's a bag of bricks

wondering if there's anything
left to dream for
suicide enters the mind
and the best you can think is
"not today"

you get through it in one piece
but something stills feels like it's shattered
something's broke in there
and you haven't fixed it yet

what makes you think you ever will?

Right Against the Skin

i can feel you burning for me

you want to be undressed
you need to be touched
right against the skin

you want it rough
to be scratched
so i dig my nails in

pain and elation cocktailed together

but
we can't
keep this up

it's getting to a point where i can
barely control myself with you
in public

it has to stop

so i want you to know
that tomorrow
i'm going to Walgreen's
to get some athlete's foot spray

College

he dropped all of his classes
and walked from campus
to Lake Michigan

the question of what to do with his life
was only answered with
"you're too young to play it safe"

so he didn't

mastering bars for the cheapest drinks
and the safest stumbles home
he played with the incorrigibles 

eleventh hour parties with crazies
it was easy to blend in

the whole thing was cliche
but he never minded cliches
so he kept at it

he got good at it

one girlfriend called him
"the best drinker ever"
never minding the tone in her voice
he took pride in it

heartbreaks were another addiction

he knew that fuckin' pain was coming
he would do it anyway
he had to

when it did finally come
he would almost welcome it
take it for a hellbent joyride
creeping around seedier bars
partaking in seedier activities

it was all part of the story
he had to have a story

and now that he has one
he's gotta figure out an end

and whether
or not
the next one
is a sequel

To the Lonesome of the Club

when his jam comes on

one second in

an electric burst hits his gut

he pulls his shoulders upright

bites the left side of his bottom lip

and starts to move his head to the tempo

over to the crowded dance floor

gorgeous women and gorgeous men

try their best to keep rhythm

he knows his body

he knows this beat

and his shoes can destroy this track

but he glances instead

at the empty seat beside him

swivels back to the bar

puts his eyes back down

and drinks

to the lonesome of the club

[sound becomes idea]

sound becomes idea

phenomenon of music

as to hear a soul

Of All the Angels

i am the one
most concerned with popularity

found my way into castles
to meet with kings and queens

crashed parties with celebrities
movie folk, politicos, and wealth dynasties

invited (myself) into homes
all over the world

more often introduced to the weak
drunks in the taverns
junkies
suicides
the terminally-ill
the malnourished
victims of this and that

but
eventually
i make it a point to meet everyone

Horse

i drag this carriage

with a whip at my back

slowly leading them

to their destinations

to their privileges

i hear the clop of my hooves

against the stone of their streets

and it is a dirge of captivity

it plays

repetitiously reminding me

that i wear this bridle for life

that running into the wild and free

and galloping only at the behest of my heart

is an unobtainable dream

that i live

abandoned of hope

to enable man's aspirations of idleness

To The Police

as a rule, i consider your rule of law to be suspect
under the scrutiny of my humanity
tractable keepers of the state

honesty is an event
obstructive to injustice
readily dismissed in cases of dissent

insurrection is righteous
truths are without need for badges 

your authority is not to be recognized

[long, she's to suffer]

long, she's to suffer
an angel upon a knee
sifts through the clippings

[she passes a man]

she passes a man
but her scent is the full moon
and a wolf follows

[to taste the darkness]

to taste the darkness
our tongues must first burn by light
balance of palate

[his reckless ego]

his reckless ego
gallivants through the party
hunting a good time

Where There's a Will

i began to tell a grim story

of a puppy left alone

beneath an overcast sky

at first i saw a lost dog

sad and without

a way

but then i thought of his strength

as he would have to

make one

Loneliness

when it is most impossible
to be there
for yourself

As Close As We Will Ever Be

peering into your eyes

i am trying to understand you

hoping to know you

a little better with each glance

when the world is mad

i want to save it for you

but i can't

when love is distracted

i want to get its attention for you

but i can't

and when all you want

is a couple arms to wrap around you

just to be able to feel the sensation of touch

reciprocation of a warm embrace

i want to hold you

but i can't

for this is as close as we will ever be

as long as this mirror is between us

All The Songs

i love music

i know
everyone does
but i really do

nothing can soothe me as much as
the right song at the right time
(and on the opposite end)
nothing can disgust me
more than obviously shitty music

but i guess that's subjective
as Nickleback keeps packing stadiums
and my brilliant buddy Henry is
livin' on end's meat

the thing that bothers me most
when i ponder my own death
is thinking of all the songs
i will never get to hear

i've never been one to believe
all the good music has already been made

but i also think of all the songs
that were written before i was born
before recorded music

forgotten songs
written by forgotten men

so i've made it my priority in life
to hear as much music as possible

records
cds
tapes
youtube videos

all the songs i can listen to
before the dastardly prince of death
comes to bring me silence

[red shades of disco]

red shades of disco 
dancing too close with monsters
burning hearts and feet

The Grape

he does not to leave

out of any loathing for the vine

he simply can not stay

waiting around to turn to raisin

knowing that out there somewhere

the souls of his brothers

encased in wine bottles

have not only lived life

but they have

fermented it

and he can not breathe

until he is with them

[all of us, boxers]

all of us, boxers
in the brutal ring of life
taking jabs for love

[i was called by god]

i was called by god
but i could not answer him
he should have texted

[was afraid of heights]

was afraid of heights
until i looked at my back
and saw i have wings

Solvency

sorting through the debts
overwhelmed with overdrafts
lapsed bills pile up
viable options dwindle down
expendable income non-existent
no way out
credit is shit
you can only dream of solvency

Fillings

i show up
for my second appointment in two days
to mend the disrepair of my mouth
rotten tokens of neglect

cavities are drilled away
and the holes plastered over
with tooth-colored composites

i smile in front of the mirror
and it is the most pristine vision
i have seen in more than a decade

now
if only i could find
a dentist for the soul

Rice

dehydrated

my heart became small

hardened by the air of hopelessness

with
a little time
some water

it has grown and changed

softened to the tooth of love

Eclipse 3

darkness does not pass suddenly
nor does the light surrounding it

though her love was a shadow
i reticently remember
hints of a star

[desperate, he looks]

desperate, he looks
in the places left behind
for abandoned dreams

If Your Baby Were a Poem

i would be excited to hold it
tickle its little belly
and watch it laugh

if it cried
i would search enthusiastically
for a warm bottle to feed it
a fresh diaper to soothe it
a soft toy to pamper it

i would be more than happy
to look at photos for hours on end
and hear your stories of
when you found out
where it was conceived
what you hope for its future

if your baby were a poem
you could always count on me
as a sitter

but as it is
i'm just not that fascinated
by your little bundle of joy